Thursday, October 21, 2010

Top Ten: things I've learned in 1 year of marriage

Last night, I'm sitting at dinner in a restaurant with my sweet Sugarmuffin, and she asked me a question. "What are the top ten things you've learned this year?" We laughed through a couple of items listed, and she also had to ash a couple of times for clarification. I've thought about this list many times since last night, and have modified a bit. Some have been left off, some have been modified, and some haven't even been touched (e.g. the first two things). So... without further adieu....

  1. Keep my mouth shut. Do I need to add anything to this one?
  2. Speak up about things. Some things shouldn't be left unsaid.

    I know these two rules may seam contradictory. Sugarmuffin was thinking that things were a little more volatile (meaning things change), which caused these two. However, I did clarify that. There are some things that are better to keep my mouth shut over. If she asks why so quiet, often a lesser "gripe" is better to toss out there. After all, gripes are really minor things to worry about anyway.

  3. The extra leaf in the table can stay long enough to wash the dishes. Keep things in perspective, because some things don't matter. After all, an extra leaf in the table when there is just the two of us is really unimportant when compared with something that lasts forever.
  4. Large projects can wait. She felt bad for an instance thinking I was referencing a long-term project I've been working on for 13 years. I did need to clarify this one to include everything. Think about it - it's been in that state already for some time, it won't kill anyone to leave it in that state while doing something else for a moment.
  5. Even as a couple, we're still individuals (Remember the curtains?). She understood this, but I'll clarify the post a bit. On our back door, we haven't had curtains put up yet. This is a natural result of both of us not completely agreeing on something. I'm a guy - I'd just throw on any old curtains. She's not a guy in any way (imagine that), so consideration has to be given to fabrics, colors, styles, strengths, furniture, season, holidays, which family members are coming, and how often the sprinklers turn on. Seriously, I can't just go grab curtains and throw on there - she's too perfect, and I don't want to mess with that. I like her just the way she is.
  6. Keep my hands out of the fancy candy jar. It's only there for looks, not as a candy repository. This is one of those things I have to keep re-learning. Hey, look! A bowl full of candy! Again, and again. I suppose this really translates to learning what territory is her's, and what territory of mine I can encroach on.
  7. Veggies won't kill me. In fact, I'm learning that I should be eating those things. BTW, Steak is not a veggie. All this time I thought it was a post-processed veggie (the cow ate some veggies, processed them, and now I get them in a more refined state), but... noooooo.... they must be eaten before the animal eats them.
  8. Forgiveness is crucial. If I can't ask forgiveness for doing something stupid, I'd be way in the hole. Waaaaay. I think I'm always doing something stupid.
  9. If something is causing someone stress, obviously, it's not as minor as you think. Stop thinking about it and just fix it.
  10. "Here's my problem" doesn't equate to "Fix my problem." These are supposedly two distinctly separate concepts. I think this is also something Sugarmuffin has learned, because she is starting to preface the "Here's my problem" talks with "Here's my problem that I want you to listen about. Don't fix it." I know she's smart enough to solve her own problems, but it's just a guys nature to fix the problem so that it isn't a problem any more. Do we need examples of this? I'd better avoid throwing out an example.
Now, as funny as some of that might seem, it's still a very accurate list of things I've learned. Perhaps a "top-ten" list in another year, to see how this list has changed. Maybe I'll grab her list and toss it on here. As long as it's not in the candy jar.

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